i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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