Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
