yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
