after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
