You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
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Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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