no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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