She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
