Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Damn victory sex feels great
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
