We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
