Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
