Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
