morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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