She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
