Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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