tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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