OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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