spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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