it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
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It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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