Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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