Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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