Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
