2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
