I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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