get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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