He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
