Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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