Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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