she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
