Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
