Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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