too bad you live with your parents still
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
