Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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