We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
