First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
