So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
