all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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