He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
