Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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