I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
