So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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