If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
