I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
