You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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