Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
