Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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