She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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