well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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