Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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