either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i drank out of a bidet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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