I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.