We won't sleep together?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
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this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times