Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment