Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth