Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
