One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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