i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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