Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
