3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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