The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
