Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
