what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
