belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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