Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
