You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
