if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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