Plan B is the new Plan A
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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