When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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