why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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