You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
