Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
