I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
