I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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