dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
