You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
