I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
