he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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