If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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