I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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