I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
