I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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